Only one more day

Before cinema, went to the toilet and saw a tiny bits of brownish stain.

Could be d debris from Crinone gel. After movie, after shower as i wiped down - more brownish stain.

:'(

Felt awful in the toilet.

Inserted Crinone gel n saw traces of brownish stain.

Which means, inside somewhere is bleeding?

So sad.

What will the outcome of tomorrow be?

Am scared to go urinate.
Scared to find if the pad will have red stain on it.

Red would definitely means menses.

Told Mat and he's not that optimistic too on the outcome.

Why?
Why?
Why?

All has been good this far and suddenly this appears? As much as its assuring that im healthy with menses every month, i really wishes for it not to come this month.

I went through a LOT.

Its not just the 3x of IVF, everything. Coz of IVF, i got severe OHSS which made me bloated n my stomach looks preggy when its not. My hair is thinning due to the surgery(s). There are now railway tracks on the hairline.

Am ashamed to go back office again with no news. Felt that i let my bosses down. How can i ask to go for another IVF since all 3 failed? The agony that another colleague has to cover my scope makes me shamed.

I really hope this brown stain is an implantation bleeding. But its day 15, how can it be implantation bleeding when implantation occurs Day 5/6?

Im scared for tomorrow 

Hope the HCG reading is high and all this is just a dream.